Everyone lives their childhood .. clueless about what the future might hold. I was a bright young child, as I was told, living my life, loving everyone around me. Never experienced pain or sorrow, except for that one time when my older brother threw my toy away, because it was too noisy, I mean it wasn’t really my fault, but I shed a tear for that. Generally, I was happy, I was a normal, happy young kid. But then, there I was, at the verge of becoming a young adult, as my personality was developing, or regressing should I say, I couldn’t get myself to really be big in socializing with people. I lived most of my life in the shadows during those years, away from any kind of conversation or human interaction. I never intended for myself to be isolated, but that seemed to be my comfort zone, and I never really wanted to ever leave my comfort zone.
I lived in a big house, my family’s financial state is little bit better than fine. I have 6 brothers, and 3 sisters, it is quite a big family if you ask me. Of all my siblings, I was the quiet one, I guess that incident of when I was a child taught me something after all. I am the 6thin order. At home, they usually call me “Solomon the solo man”, as cheesy as that sounds, that was pretty much my life at home, and sums up my interaction with my siblings, which I hated the most. I'd always wish they would just ignore my existence, I try my best not to grab any attention. I am mostly in my room, where I always have my headphones on, and all types of screens you could think of surround me. The one benefit I got out of my family at that time, is that they spoil me with whatever I ask for. Computers, monitors, laptops, tablets, smart phones, video games, virtual reality gadgets, you name it. Whenever a new device hits the market, I get it straight away, no hesitation, and no one to tell me no. Is it compensating for bad parenting? Is it good parenting? Who cares! At least I got what I wanted, and that is what mattered.
I spent most of my time from one device to another, until I fall asleep. I wake up the next day, go to school, come back home, and do it all over again. Though, I haven’t been always like that, up until just before I start middle school I was somewhat a normal child, as I mentioned. What changed you might wonder? God fucking knows. It gotta be one of those plot twists in real life where you have no idea what the fuck happened, or why. Starting middle school is when my life took a turn, a puberty phase? maybe! Am I over exaggerating the situation? I could be! I mean I am a human, don’t we all do that sometimes? At least that’s how I saw it from my perspective.
I never knew how to make friends in middle school. Things seemed so much harder then, and you have to make an effort, what? This isn’t how it was in elementary school. I got to a point where I don’t care anymore. I would just wait for the day to end and go home and live my actual life. Actual life? yes! my actual life! I don’t consider my daily, normal, boring, out of my room routine a life. With awkward human interactions, forced communication, studying and all of that, not even close to being a life. My life is where I belong, is where I feel like myself, where I feel free to express, interact and find whatever I might think of there for me waiting. My life is in the virtual world, my life is in my tech devices, and my screens. That is where I live. That is what I know! And that is the only life I would want to live. I don’t care about anything else, ever. Food, cars, sports, and just about everything else, that I couldn’t give two shits about.
When I started high school, a lot of things changed in me, mainly the way I see things, and my mentality. I decided to have a bit more interactions with people. I wanted to help myself to cross the border I built myself. I overheard a conversation, two of my classmates were having, and I decided to join in. Unlike middle school, it was easier in high school to spot people who might share the same passion that you do, it was just easier to distinguish between people, and their interests, everything was a little bit more clear, and defined. So I took my chance. I started to have my first conversation ever in high school. Soon later, one of the guys, Mason, became a very close friend of mine. For quite sometime, until about the end of the first year of high school, Mason was never to be heard from ever again. I tried contacting him, and reaching out in various way. I never knew a better friend, nor will I ever. As much as I used to look forward to go home to my devices, for once I started to look forward to go to school and just spend time with my new friend, Mason. Friend … I never thought I would have friends. It never crossed my mind that I would be socializing with people, but for the first time, I decided to change that, and it worked. I gained a true friend, that gets what I talk about for the most part, that shares the same passion as I do. He knows what it’s like to live in a virtual world of our own making. Now, I felt like I lost the one person that understood me most, my pass to the real life. Sure, I do have other close classmates that I have conversations with. But Mason, wouldn’t ever think I’m strange for spending all day going from one screen to another, from one game to another, surfing the web, talking to people online, ignoring the real world, shutting people out, and just living the best virtual life anyone could ever have, something that is not real, yet it is very much so.
… Sometimes you might think if life is fair? the answer is straight up no, it’s not. I learned that for myself. Just that one experience I went through taught me a lot. Taught me that I never want to live the real life again, I will just shut it all out. I want to just go back home again, and spend my time doing the thing I do everyday … waste … time. I started thinking of it as such, not because I don’t like it anymore, but because I had a taste for something different. Just when I thought I found a good reason to have a balance between real life, and my actual life. I thought I would be finally excited about both of them just as much, that was my breaking out point in life. I finally had something to talk about on the dinner table, my new friend. But all of that went away just like that. Being the disappointment I am, I just went back to my regular routine, because of one thing. A loss of a friend. One loss. One .. loss.
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